Ted Lasso -- Rebecca Confesses, Ted Forgives
A Thing Only Stories Can Do
Ted Lasso mixes frivolous trivia with serious emotional situations. This should be strange, but it’s not. It’s currently our lives. No matter what horror or tragedy you are going through, you can open your phone and some meaningless, mildly amusing meme or pop culture reference will be right there for you.
The wonder of this show is that neither the silliness nor the sentimentality overwhelm the show and ruin it. Somehow it is all in balance. And the way it works is clearly revealed in the scene where Ted forgives Rebecca.
It’s the crux of the show. Rebecca (the team owner) confesses that she hired Ted as a way of getting revenge on her ex-husband. Her Ex loved the football team, she got it in the divorce and she wants to destroy the team to hurt him. Without this subplot the show is just a gag. American football coach coaches soccer. It’s a shitty sitcom.
For me, Ted Lasso is one of the toughest characters ever to grace a screen. At the beginning, it is easy to think that he’s goofy just because he IS goofy. The puns, the stupid jokes, the self-deprecating humor, and the restlessly positive comments could all be because he’s a congenitally happy person. Or lobotomized. He comes off as a daffy, sappy bastard who is somehow immune to the tragedies of the world.
But he’s not. And we learn that very quickly in the first episode.
This phone call scene is fantastic on its own. It’s just an actor in a room saying words. But it breaks your heart as it reveals that Ted is separated from his family and his wife won’t say, “I love you in return.” This man has pain. Tremendous pain, as it will be revealed. His life is a tragedy in many ways. As are all of our lives. Even if nothing tragic happens to you, it will most certainly happen to someone you love.
I’ve watched this scene from Season 1 Episode 10 at least a dozen times while writing this essay and it still surprises me. If it’s not fresh in your mind, go ahead and watch it again:
How can this scene possibly work? How does it make Ted’s impossible choice convincing? How does Ted not lose his shit and storm out. How can it be that Rebecca isn’t lying to gain advantage? Why do we feel that she is utterly sincere in this scene?
There are two things, I think. The acting is impeccable. And the line, “Divorce is hard.” We know that Ted knows. And we’ve seen him refuse to let his personal demons ruin his or anybody else’s life.
When I watch this scene, I tear up. And they are tears of awe.
Awe, I think, in the religious sense. Because this story offers us a glimpse of something more beautiful than the world we live in, yet somehow makes it seem possible. It is an awe that inspires. It commands admiration from all of us. And I know this because this scene even commands admiration from one of the most toxic cesspools in existence: the YouTube comments section.
What Ted does is beautiful, incomprehensible, yet strangely possible. And that’s inspiring. Look at the YouTube comments.
The toughness comes when you realize that Ted’s not positive and kind and silly because he’s soft. It’s a choice. This choice resonates throughout the show and makes others better. It conveys a basic truth of every religion that doesn’t get much play in the modern world: even the most ordinary of lives is a moral adventure. Our choices matter, not just for us, but those around us. Story is the best (and perhaps only) form to convey these kind of ideas.
Ideas of how to be in the world are not simple. They can’t be broken into pieces and analyzed. You have to grasp them as a whole and see the idea revealed in a character’s actions.
Like this scene where Coach Beard forgives Nate.
Is this idea of forgiveness and relentless optimism realistic? Are these scenes and this show just a kind of fantasy wish fulfillment wrapped in a candy-coating of pop-culture references? Maybe. Maybe life can never be like this. I’ll let you decide that for yourself. But stories can and do inspire people to try to be better.
And, for me, Ted Lasso is one of the very best inspirations.
I think that we, as a society, CAN do forgiveness like this. But we must also do repentance like this. Not to go all religious on you (it is kind of my jam), but it works even if you're not religious. People don't need to just apologize. They need to repent. Repentance is about being willing to change one's life, to do better in the future. I think when we see "apologies" in TL what we're really seeing is true repentance. These people want forgiveness, sure, but they also want to do better. They don't expect forgiveness. No one should. But they receive it and I'll tell you what, as someone who's had to repent and be forgiven more than once in my life, it fills you with gratitude in a way that nothing else does.